yanderebitchclub | ( catchall ) your needle sews my heart

[Yes, it's an optimistic, perhaps even wishful way of looking at it. But it had been optimistic, wishful impulse that had Six send Nehan a charm—and then he woke up.

...And, he supposes, it's an optimistic, wishful impulse to hope that was the result of the charm to begin with. But it seems to be working out so far. If he keeps looking toward the future and trying to find the joy in it, rather than the potential pain...it's a lesson he's still learning a little more about every day, with the help of people who support him.

The best thing for Nehan right now is to have people who support him, too. Even if it's in optimistic, wishful ways.]

There are herbalists and doctors onboard occasionally. It's possible one of them has encountered that kind of condition before. I'll keep my ears open.

[Nehan could join them, if he wants...though Six wouldn't ask until after his work is done in Stardust Town. Much like he's is seeking redemption for his own sins, Nehan is working on his as well, and it wouldn't be right to take him from that for too long.

Six lets Nehan eat quietly for a bit while he finishes his own soup, and the silence already seems a little more comfortable. Not enough to get complacent, of course. But...a little bit better than it was. He glances over at him a few times, noting some of the tension in Nehan's shoulders melting away, and he's pleased to see that so far, taking him to the Grandcypher has been overall a good idea.]

I thought you might like a tour once you've finished eating. You seemed a bit interested in how the crew works. We may as well find a room for you to stay in, too.

[Though now that he thinks about it...isn't every bedroom accounted for right now? There are a lot of musicians aboard. Practically an entire symphony's worth.

...He's got his own bedroom for his remaining stay, of course...but...well, they'll burn that bridge when they get there.]

[ he'd like to meet the medically-inclined sometime, but not right now. if he talks too much he'll be found out that he created one of the most damaging drugs out there, and it might tarnish what's left of his reputation.

he grunts in agreement nonetheless, taking a sip of water now that he's done eating. ]

I might as well. [ he takes his cane again and straps it to his more mobile hand. ] I'd like to see the ones who you call family.

[ ah, that might be too much-- ]

And also, it's been a while since I'd had alcohol. Obviously you can't get it within the walls of Stardust town, so I may as well indulge for a little bit before I return.

[ indulgence is something he's not used to at all, but it's just alcohol. there's nothing too special about it.

as for their bedding arrangements... well, he's not too exhausted yet. he can sleep on the floor if there's really no space in this ship, but he doubts that the grandcypher has absolutely no room for a malnourished erune like him. ]

[Six's ears fold back thoughtfully. Family, huh...]

...Most of the people on this ship know me only by reputation, or through discussion with our fists.

[But...it is true that this ship seems like home.]

But I'm sure the captain would view us all as one large family, so in that sense...

[Not to mention the captain and their father are the closest things Six has to a family, too. He doesn't mind thinking of it that way.

...More pressingly, Nehan might be able to see Six doing math in his head and arriving at the inevitable conclusion that Nehan was definitely drinking underage. It checks out given his upbringing, but...]

...I don't drink alcohol myself. But there are plenty of places to acquire it. Shall I take you to Raduga after all?

[Mind altering substances, historically, have not worked out great for him, but Ladiva knows what he likes to drink already. Now that the atmosphere has loosened up a bit, it might not be such a bad prospect to have her there to ease them into conversation if it lulls, too.]

Make use of me if you need to steady yourself.

[And off they go, Six pointing out rooms of interest along the way.

[ don't think too hard on his drinking, six, it's just not a big deal. of course the mafia would drive him to drink. alcohol also works as a sedative in a pinch, although it's not as recommended. honestly he's a little surprised to hear that six doesn't drink, but he supposes that it's for the best.

nehan keeps up with six well enough, taking a peek at the various rooms when introduced to him. the ship does resemble a small town in a way, complete with room and board, and while he expected to see even cafes aboard, he didn't know what to expect when six leads him down to the lower hull, where raduga lies in wait.

interesting, that they even have a bar here. ladiva's at the counter tonight, waving at six as nehan's lead to another corner booth, where they can get some more privacy. it's tempting to take a counter seat, but he isn't too interested in mingling with the others right now.

which, you know, means that he finds six's company decent enough. so far, so good. ]

[Six nods to Ladiva as they pass, and once Nehan is sufficiently comfortable, he goes to the counter to order their drinks. He comes back with a small tray, upon which sit two glasses of water, a slightly taller glass of beer, and a glass containing a bright blue drink, complete (with Ladiva's insistence) with a cutely-shaped straw.

There's also a smaller glass of something vibrantly red ("liquid courage," Ladiva called it, "since you seem a little more on edge than usual") and a small bowl of assorted nuts and small rice crackers.]

...Ah.

[A thought occurs to Six as he sits down, and he takes a quick look over at the rest of the establishment. Finally, he sees what he's been looking for—a petite girl with a bow in her hair.]

That one—she's a primal beast. If you order something else and she happens to be the one who helps you with it, speak to her like an adult.

[Nehan's been on an island full of kids the whole time, and Phoebe certainly looks the part, so it seems like a reasonable warning to offer.]

...Shall we toast to your improving health?

[Such as it is, anyway. It's a pretty mild improvement all things considered, but it's an improvement nonetheless.]

[ nehan peers at the girl, who was chattering away to what seems to be her twin, and nods. mugen is a hulking mass of a draph with a mind of a developing child, so it makes sense that there are other people with opposite situations.

his gaze lands on the food provided and he... barely chokes down a chuckle at the cutesy bendy straw. amazing how this place has softened the mass murderer. he looks up at six again at the proposal of the toast, raising a brow. ]

I guess you could say that.

[ he didn't mean to sound so deadpan but. well. he's not exactly the image of perfect health here. regardless, he takes the glass of beer and raises it slightly. ]

Cheers.

[ and down the hatch it goes. he didn't think he'd miss the cheap stuff, but here he is. ]

Cheers.

[Six raises his glass as well—it seems overly familiar to actually clink it against Nehan's, so this much is fine. While there's nothing stopping him from just taking the straw out of the drink, he does actually use it to sip from the cup, another sight that Nehan might find some amusement in.

When the glass is around half empty, Six tentatively takes a sip from the red drink, too, before pouring it in with the blue one. Ladiva had gone easy on the booze so it doesn't really taste like alcohol to begin with, but watering it down helps even more.

He's a little hesitant about it, but if he drinks this slowly he'll be able to stop if he starts feeling strange. That's certainly more than he can say than the last times he was dosed with something.]

...Has your work been proceeding smoothly in Stardust Town?

[He doesn't want to start asking specific questions lest someone overhear and get a bad impression of Nehan, but couching it in vague terms is probably fine.]

As for me, I've...

[He trails off, deciding to switch gears mid-sentence. Saying he's trying to put more good into the world than he's taken out of it is fine in a vacuum but maybe not to the person who he took all that good away from to begin with.]

...Mostly, I've been doing odd jobs. There hasn't been much need for the Eternals lately. Hopefully, that stays true for some time.

[There was some fuss about the moon a little while back, but the captain and another team seem to have taken care of that just fine.]

[ just a couple of swigs isn't enough to get nehan inebriated though, so he does snort at the sight of six sipping his drink through that straw. might as well get some fun out of this by, well, making fun of him.

at the question, he sits back and thinks on it. that mention about the eternals does make him wonder about something... ]

Makes you think about the entire purpose of the Eternals in the first place.

[ no seriously, what is the point of their group aside from holding dick-measuring contests? he doesn't dare say that out loud, though. just because he's an inherently bitter guy doesn't mean he should give six more excuses to lash out anyway.

does that mean nehan is still scared? obviously. that fear will never go away no matter how close he and six can get... though maybe alcohol could help bridge the gap a little. who knows. ]

As for your question, the children seem to be doing fine. Mugen's been a great help outside of my usual work. [ just the mere mention of his baby boi is enough to make him crack a tiny smile, but it comes and goes just as quickly as he stares on ahead. ] It's not yet enough, however. I can't rest until...

[ --he's redeemed. but who knows when that'll be, or how much longer nehan can take. ]

[It's...a fair concern to have, and Nehan's far from the first person to have it. It's one of many reasons everything all came to a head at once—the general populace's fear of the Eternals, compounded by the knowledge that they were knowingly fostering a mass murderer...it's all a big mess.

Six's ears flatten slightly in embarrassment when Nehan snorts at him, but they're practically pointed downward while he contemplates those words. The Eternals have always tried to help, but...

...There's no point in justifying that to Nehan, who has never once been helped by them. He's the person in the skies most qualified to criticize the Eternals.

Even so, he'll continue to remain with them as long as they want him there.]

...They're good people. The rest of them.

[But not him.]

...I hope the day comes swiftly that you're able to finally get some rest. I...also...

[Ah, this is harder to talk about than he thought. He reaches for his mask, but pauses when his fingertips reach it; stubbornly, he pulls that same hand back and clenches his fist under the table. If he can't say it to Nehan without that mask, is it worth anything?]

...I also...won't rest. Even though I'll never be able to make it up to you. Or to anyone else. I'm not owed redemption. But you...Nehan, you deserve...to live peacefully. With people you care about. With Mugen, and...and with anyone else you may find yourself getting close to in the future.

[And Six will do absolutely everything in his power to make sure that happens. He'll move mountains, if he has to.

He quickly returns to his drink, clearly nervous about saying all this and using it as an excuse to not talk anymore. But it's something that he needed to say.]

[ it's weird, hearing that kind of reassurance from him. did nehan need to hear that, though? it's almost laughable how six can just say that while knowing that he can never make it up to him. nehan swallows the urge to do so, opting to grip his glass so tightly before he drains his drink down to the last drop. maybe if he's drunk off his ass he wouldn't fly off the handle right here.

and sure enough, it works. almost. his head is starting to loll a little, his lame body jerking itself awake as he almost falls onto six. even if he isn't drunk, he should get to bed early anyway to continue his recuperation, but he dimly laments over his inability to stay sober anymore. ]

[Six prepares to be yelled at when he sees the way Nehan is gripping his glass, but the words never come. They're words he doesn't regret saying, but for Nehan's sake, he won't repeat them.

What he will do, though, is carefully scoop Nehan into his arms, gloved hand sliding down his back as he pulls him into a bridal carry. Letting him walk by himself while this drunk is a bad idea—and though Six's head is feeling a bit fuzzy after downing the rest of his own drink, he's certainly in a better position than Nehan.

He tucks Nehan's cane under his arm as well, and if Nehan struggles in his grip, well, he's the Eternal known for using his own body as a weapon—he's perfectly capable of keeping a half-paralyzed, drunk erune in place.]

...Let's get you to bed. You can use mine for the night.

[Six has every intention of sleeping on the floor to make Nehan comfortable. It's just the right thing to do in this situation—and when they arrive at the room Six is borrowing, he gently puts Nehan on the bed, propping his cane up next to it within arm's reach.]

...Do you need anything? Water, maybe...?

[The worry is evident in his voice and on his face.]

[ his muscles immediately tense up as soon as he's lifted into six's arms; physical contact like that is almost alien to him, given that he hasn't been held like that in a long, long time, and while he weakly protests with a series of short, tired grunts along the way, he can't exactly pull himself off of six like this.

it's not until six lays him down on the bed like he's a fragile little thing that nehan has had enough of this sick, pitiable farce. he attempts to sit up on the bed, hand struggling to reach his cane. ]

I... I don't need your pity... [ he manages to grab ahold of his cane as he tries to force himself up on his feet. ] It must be... so easy for you to say all those things, doesn't it? You, who had everything at the palm of your hand...

[ despite all the atrocities six had committed in their clan, his own hands remain pristine. nehan, however, had suffered thoroughly without doing so much as to run away and his worn-out body proves it. but it's no use whining over how unfair it is. fate has never been nice to him.

ah, he can feel his own eye burning hot with tears. how embarrassing. he refuses to look at six for this as he pushes himself off the bed--

and takes the wrong step, because of course he does. and now he falls down, down... ]

[Like a flash, Six's body moves before his mind catches up with it. Before he realizes what's happening, he's leapt forward to catch Nehan, pinning him to the bed. Seeing Nehan crying makes him want to cry, too—and despite his best efforts, he can feel tears welling up in his own eyes.]

I know exactly how fortunate I've been!

[To this day, he can still feel the warmth of the captain's father's hand as he ruffled his hair, right between his ears. The same warmth carried in the captain's smile whenever they speak to one another. The acceptance of the Eternals. Without those things, he'd have spiraled into the same kind of misery Nehan has been enduring his whole life.]

It's not pity to want that same good fortune for you! I just...

[It's not easy for him to say these things, but there's no point in telling that to Nehan. Because it's still easier than everything he's had to endure so far.]

...Is it wrong for me...to want you to be happy? Is it wrong to want you to find a place where you belong?

[Nehan has been so miserable, all because of him. Six knows it's selfish to hope that the place Nehan belongs has room for him too, but even so...]

Even if I can't do anything to atone...even if nothing that I ever do will be enough...I just...it doesn't have to be because of me, but...!

[He wants Nehan to be happy. More than anything.

Six has lost the fight with his own emotions, and tears are freely falling. Desperate for some way, any way, to convey his feelings when his body is threatening to freeze with anxiety and he can't find any words, he does the only thing he can think of, and leans down to kiss Nehan.

It's a bit forceful, and more than a bit clumsy. He's never kissed anyone before, never so much as entertained the thought—but he needs Nehan to understand. In his forceful, clumsy way, Six cares for him.]

[ the suddenness of six's actions alone, leading up to the kiss, might have been enough for nehan to get his left side moving again. but it doesn't. and he can't even move with this rather compromising position they've found themselves in on six's bed, and he dimly thinks that maybe six had wanted to do this from the beginning.

but those tears in his eyes coupled with those rather hardhitting words, and not to mention the inexperienced kiss... it must've been a spur in the moment for six. this utterly selfish man who has everything, and wouldn't stop until he's gotten it all - even nehan's first kiss.

so it might come as a surprise to six that nehan will start kissing him back, lips just as clumsy as he is in general. the mafia isn't exempt from dealing with shadier sexual deals, but that's hardly nehan's department. he's aware of how painfully touch-starved he is ever since he was little, but he hasn't realized how badly he wanted to be held down and kissed like this until now.

and he's not letting go. ]

Six jerks his head back up when he feels Nehan kissing him back, clearly bewildered by the reaction. He'd been expecting a punch to the face, or a rough shove, because the thing is—

This isn't what either of them want.

It had been a dumb, impulsive move, and he knows that if Nehan had any other choice in the matter, he'd never have picked this. He, himself, would never have picked this.

He doesn't stop crying—if anything, more and more tears begin to spill as he leans back in to kiss him again.

This isn't what they want, but if it's how Nehan has decided to move things along, he'll follow.]

...I'm sorry.

[Another kiss, toothy and rough, hand sliding beneath Nehan to stroke down his scars.]

I'm so sorry.

[How wretched of him.]

[ how wretched indeed. in all his miserable years, nehan had never imagined that the prodigy of their clan would be easily reduced to tears like this. then again, nehan is crying too so clearly there's something wrong with him as well. like how six went ahead and initiated the kiss, nehan's body moved on its own too, reciprocating the other erune's jumbled feelings and making this even more of a mess.

he recoils at the hand stroking at his scars, much like a cat. he hasn't been touched this softly before, and it scares him. this entire thing frightens him, because at this rate he'll actually open up to six - and then where would they be?

but maybe... maybe. they should take this slowly and carefully. once six pulls away, nehan stares up at him with his own tear-streaked eyes. ]

...If you truly mean that, then show me. [ who is this weepy eternal and what did he do to six ] You may as well commit to this to the very end.

[ and that in itself is a form of redemption. ]

[Six is hesitant for several more moments, eyes darting from Nehan's face to somewhere in the middle distance before finally settling back on Nehan. As his words sink in, a steely look sets into his expression, and he takes a few careful moments to try to dry his eyes.

...He's never done this before—touched anyone like this. He never imagined he'd find anyone who wanted to do it, and he hasn't found anyone he's wanted to touch like this in the first place.

But Nehan...maybe he can see himself doing this with him.

Not like he has a choice now, given Nehan's words.]

...Nehan...

[He wants to reach down to wipe away his tears too, but he of all people should never be the one who dictates whether or not Nehan gets to cry.

He runs a hand down Nehan's clothed chest, then back up, fingers idly picking at a button.]

...Understood.

[To be perfectly frank, he doesn't understand, not entirely. He thinks there are some parts he does understand—Nehan's insistence that he continue, that he offer the attention and gentleness he hinted at providing despite his own discomfort—

—It almost seems like a test. To test how serious he is about being gentle and kind with him? His commitment in the face of personal discomfort?

In the end, it doesn't matter. He leans down to kiss Nehan again, undoes that button, and then the next one down, and the next one...

There's no point in gentle touches until he can apply them to Nehan's bare skin, scars and wounds and a history of misery carved into it.]

If you change your mind...then tell me.

[But if he allows this to continue, then Six will keep his word and follow through.]

[ nehan's breath shudders from six's simple touches alone, clearly unused to this kind of intimacy. or any form of intimacy, really. this entire body is littered with scars, mostly coming from whips and lashes he'd received as a slave to the mafia, but also some nicks and scrapes from his own clumsiness. he'll never be as physically capable as six, and he's long accepted that.

and it's because of this that nehan thinks that he isn't desirable -- not just in general, but in terms of beauty. he doesn't have a huge complex about it or anything, but six's skin may as well be flawless compared to his. his chest rises and falls with every breath he takes, and it's taking all the energy he has not to cover his face as six stares him down. ]

...Don't force yourself for my sake either.

[ he gets it, he's ugly-- ]

[Six's fingertips trace a scar going down his chest, so terribly gently. Every one of these is the result of what happened that day—the Karm clan massacre—every single one of them Six's fault.

Nehan is breathtakingly beautiful, even with the scars striping across his body in violent, heartrending messes. But Six is certain that if he said it aloud, Nehan would think he was patronizing him.

He leans down to leave a delicate kiss on each and every scar on his chest, in something akin to reverence. Nehan's body and heart have borne the brunt of an entire clan's suffering, and the least, the very least, that he can do is this much. Six knows what it's like to be starved for touch, to have never had anyone be gentle with him. He was so much younger than Nehan is now, and he's found people willing to give him as much warmth as he wants since then, but that empty feeling is something that changes a person forever, even if they eventually find the gentle touches they crave.

He'd trembled like this too, the first time someone touched him. The circumstances were different, but...

...He pushes Nehan's shirt open, the pads of his fingers flat against his skin, leaving more tender kisses along his shoulders as well. One for every scar he can see—his heart aching knowing there are so many more that he can't.]

[ nehan will never believe him anyway, if six chooses to say his thoughts out loud. his self-esteem is close to nonexistent at this point. although there's something about being held like this by an Eternal, one of the strongest beings in the skies, that would make nehan feel smug about if this were a normal thing between them... but it's not. it'll never be, not with these scars that remind them both of that fateful day.

he groans at six's kisses, his breath continuing to hitch in his throat as he moves his right hand to cover his eyes. half of his body may be partially paralyzed, but every affectionate touch on his marred skin sends chills down his spine regardless, letting him know that he's not devoid of feeling just yet. but he should also do something in return; he doesn't want to seem even more useless as he lets six do whatever he wishes to him. so he lifts his able hand to stroke six's hair gingerly, whispering into his ear. ]

Will you... take off your mask?

[ it's more than a little strange that six has kept it on up to this point, tbh. it's going to dig into nehan's skin all weirdly. ]

[Six stills in his ministrations, eyebrows furrowed just a bit, but he does as Nehan asks, removing the mask from the side of his face with slightly trembling fingers. He can't ask anything of Nehan if he's not showing vulnerability in return.

He's still visibly flushed, ears pressed flat against his head, unused to the sensation of having them whispered into, as Nehan runs his fingers through his hair. It's a nice feeling, though, and they flick back into their default position as Six leans into Nehan's touch.

He's got all the warmth he could ask for on the Grandcypher, but Nehan's voice in his ear is more akin to heat than to warmth.

He carefully slides Nehan's shirt and jacket off entirely, lifting him by the shoulders just enough to remove them, kissing down his arms and every scar on his hands, as well. They're even more calloused than some seasoned fighters, between the scar tissue and his own work as a physician.

When he makes eye contact with Nehan, it's prolonged and a little more confident—now that he's gotten a reaction out of Nehan, he's feeling a bit better about things.

...Though he drops it again shortly, to begin undressing himself. A perfectly toned chest, well-honed arms, and a wiry, slender frame—Six's body is the epitome of health, in stark contrast to Nehan's.

Having stripped above the waist in a show of solidarity and vulnerability, returns his attention to Nehan. Now that he's sure he's kissed every scar on his upper body without flipping him over like a fish, it's time to start making him feel good.

Six traces circles around Nehan's nipples with the pads of his thumbs, leaning down to suck a small mark onto his pale throat, electricity leaping down his spine and settling at the base of it with every quiet noise Nehan makes.]

[ nehan knew that six would be the pinnacle of perfect health, but to see his toned body on top of him in all its splendor... it's admittedly breathtaking. of course, nehan was the runt of their clan even before the disaster happened, but it made him feel violently envious nonetheless.

but he doesn't act on it. not right now, when six is still experimenting with him. nehan's ears perk up at the sensation of six's teeth on his throat, his breath coming out ragged and almost panicky. he isn't used to getting these kinds of marks on his body; usually most people would leave some on him with the intent to hurt. but six is doing it to make him feel good, and... it works, despite being lowkey scared of his life. ]

X-Xing...

[ he won't let his own fears get the better of him, though. he grips six with his right hand, fingernails digging into his skin as he lets out a series of soft moans, not realizing that he's whispered six's real name until the very last minute. ]

[Six sucks in a breath, unprepared for the sound of his real name. At this point, Six may as well be a substitute for it, but...

...Hearing it in that tone, between quiet moans of pleasure, sets his heart racing. He feels tears welling up in his eyes again—not out of sadness, or any other particular emotion, simply because he's overwhelmed. He and Nehan aren't even friends, let alone lovers, but hearing his name called like that...he'd long given up any hope of it. He takes another deep, shuddering breath as he moves down Nehan's chest, tongue laving over a nipple and giving the other an experimental pinch—more just to see what sensations he can and can't feel than anything.]

Nehan...

[He breathes out the name like a sigh of contentment, like he'd affectionately give someone dear to him—his own name, spoken gently, wondering if it'll impact Nehan the same way it's shaken him. But he can't be impatient, even if his body is beginning to crave more from him—even if his desires are ramping up more quickly than he ever possibly could have anticipated.

He's careful to keep his face turned toward Nehan's left eye—he doesn't want him to see him close to tears again already.]

A-Ah...

[ unfortunately he can no longer feel his nipple getting pinched, but the hot mouth over his other nipple still delivers the same effect for him, his ears flattening as he trembles in pleasure. if only nehan can still remember what his real name was before all that but -- no. best not to reopen mental wounds on top of physical ones.

he arches his back, drawing six closer to him now that his body is responding quite nicely to the other erune's ministrations. he too is starting to crave more and more -- something he'd never thought to be possible because of a lot of factors -- and at this rate, he might absolutely lose it. he hoists his knee up a little, prodding at his crotch to check if he's already hard. nehan himself is already a bit worked up, but even now he's as curious about six as ever. ]

[Six lets out a surprised whimper, face flushing bright scarlet, teeth scraping against Nehan's skin as he tries and fails to stop his voice from leaking out. Of course he's getting hard—with Nehan reacting like this, he didn't stand a chance at all.]

Ah, that's...n-not...

[He's embarrassed, even though there's no need to be. He would have liked to given the illusion of maintaining his composure for a bit longer...]

D...Don't worry about that...

[He's supposed to make Nehan feel good, not feel good himself. Having gotten a better sense of what he can and can't feel by now, Six leans back in to kiss him again, hands trailing down Nehan's chest to work on removing his pants. He's been terrified of arriving at this moment, but...

...But it's less scary, the more he wants it. And how much he wants it is beginning to outweigh his own nerves.]

( catchall ) your needle sews my heart

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