yanderebitchclub | ( catchall ) even now i still dream of you

[ amidst all the pain, izumi manages to feel teardrops falling on his lower back as sandalphon continues slamming into him. the angel's words also gnarled around his heart like thorny vines, making it harder for izumi to breathe.

even so - ]

I-I do. I, ah, I do want you... These marks on my neck are all your doing! Why can't you remember...?!

[ izumi's hands scramble at the floor to find something to hang on to, or to try to get away from sandalphon's further assault. of course, it's futile. there's no way out anymore. ]

I-Izumi... Izumi's my name. And the reason why, the reason why-- ah! I'm enduring this is because I... [ he lets out a broken sob at a particularly hard thrust. he's feeling it, he's going to fall apart with his own cock furiously red despite the roughness. ] Please, please stop, it hurts--

It should hurt! Why are you expecting me to stop when you won't?! Just...shut up...shut up!

[Sandalphon heaves a sob as his hips stutter, spilling deep into Izumi.

It made him feel better in the moment, but as he comes down from his climax, that familiar self-hatred seeps back into the corners of his mind, sinking into every part of it. Sure, he got to feel high and mighty for a bit there, but what's he doing, really? Pinning someone weaker than him beneath him and making him suffer because no one else is here to comfort him.

Really...there's no way anyone could love somebody like him.]

I don't care what your name is. And I don't care how you learned mine anymore, either. You're not going to stop lying anytime soon. Tell whoever your informant is that it'll make more than a passing sweet word to entrap me.

[He can't believe, even for a second, that Izumi is telling the truth—such is the depths of Sandalphon's self-hatred at this point in time.]

[ izumi lets out his last broken sob as he feels sandalphon filling him up, causing him to spill all over the floor as well. he collapses, his poor battered body trembling as he snivels and covers his tear-streaked face with his arms. one can consider it a small mercy that sandalphon had taken him from behind, because izumi can't imagine how pathetic his face looks right now.

it doesn't make things any better, though. sandalphon's words ring deep in his mind, and at this point he's too tired, sore, and heartbroken to tell him off. except - ]

San... Sanchan... Help me...

[ he brokenly begs for help, even though it's futile. this has to be a dream that he needs to wake up from right now, because the pain and heartbreak has been immense that it Has to be.

so please, he thinks for one last time. if you're out there... ]

No one's going to help you.

[Sandalphon reaches down for Izumi again, grabs his shoulder, and—

—And it's not Izumi having this terrible dream.

Sandalphon jolts awake in bed, a wordless scream of anguish tearing from his throat against his will. The tears, at least, are real, pooling in the corners of his eyes as he wills the lingering afterimages of his nightmare from his brain, clutching at his head and trying not to sob. It's been so long since he had a nightmare.

His eyes dart over to Izumi, more than likely awakened by Sandalphon's yell from earlier, and he can't help but tilt his face toward him, scrutinizing him carefully.]

Izumi...I...thank the skies, I...

[He's not hurt. Sandalphon practically latches onto him, holding him close, heart still pounding a mile a minute. It had all seemed so painfully, miserably real, but the relief he feels at knowing it was just a nightmare is overwhelming.]

Sanchan--

[ anyone could've woken up from that scream, and izumi's definitely no exception. he didn't even get an entire sentence in before sandalphon holds on to him tight, feeling his shaky breath on his shoulder.

this isn't the first time izumi has to deal with sandalphon's nightmares late at night - most of which composing of sandalphon waking up in a cold sweat and refusing to go back to sleep. the ones where sandalphon wakes up screaming are far and few between, but they're terrifying to deal with nonetheless. izumi has offered him if he'd want to talk about it, but sandalphon usually refuses with good reason.

this is one of those times. first, he's got to calm him down by gently rubbing his back. there, there. ]

Shh, it's okay. It's just a dream. Nothing's going to harm you now.

[ if only he knew. ]

No...no, I...this one was different...

[He has memories of Pandemonium, of finding Lucifer's severed head, dreams where Lucilius kills all of his precious friends. He even has the occasional nightmare where he's the one doing something heinous—and he still wakes up with a start, and he still can't sleep afterward, but the people in those dreams don't have names or faces. Just voices, as their islands crumble beneath them.

This one is different.]

I was...i-in that dream, I was hurting you...

[Hopefully it should go without saying based on his reaction to it that it's not something he'd ever actually want to do, but he doesn't especially seem like he's ready to clarify the details yet either. He's still clinging to Izumi with shaking hands, seeking comfort from the warmth of his body.]

[ oh. that's not good to hear. but izumi's going to continue stroking his back softly, gently, cooing in his ear that it's all right. ]

Shh. It's only a dream. I know you'll never hurt me.

[ and if he does, it won't be forever irreparable. izumi pulls away for a moment to cup his face in his hands, wiping away the tears from his eyes with his thumbs. ]

Want me to get you something to drink? You don't have to talk about it.

[ yeah, don't. the less izumi knows the better. ]

[For a brief second, he does consider it—some coffee would be nice, right about now. But he slightly tightens his grip on Izumi, shaking his head.]

I just want you near me.

[To remind himself he's far past the bitter, cruel person he used to be, and to reassure Izumi that he's going to be okay.]

I love you, Izumi.

[He leans in to kiss him, gentle and sweet. Usually, he's hesitant to say it, and it usually comes after a fair amount of prodding, but given what kind of dream he just had...he knows he'd never do anything like that to Izumi, but even so, he wants to make it clear that he's loved.]

[ it's that kind of earnestness that always takes izumi by surprise, no matter who it is. he returns the kiss just as softly, face warm and giddy, and when they break the kiss it'd still be obvious that izumi's blushing in the darkness of their room.

it's even harder for izumi to say those three words, preferring to expressing it through actions instead, but tonight it's more important for sandalphon to know that he's loved just as much, if not more. ]

...I love you too.

[ he caresses his lover's face with the back of his hand before leaning in to kiss him again, pinning him down on the bed a little as he rolls over him. yes, he'll carve these feelings onto him over and over like this until he gets it... and he'd better not complain. :) ]

[Sandalphon snakes his arms around Izumi's shoulders, pulling him close as he deepens their kiss. The awful nightmare is already feeling more distant, thanks to the warmth blooming in his chest.

There's warmth blooming in another part of him too, the closeness of the man he loves naturally serving to excite him. He wants to indulge in this sweet, pure affection for just a bit longer before pursuing that particular line of thought, though—to hold him, to kiss him, to comfort his heart before comforting his body.

He pulls away just long enough for both of them to catch their breath before kissing Izumi again. It always leaves him at a loss for words when this kind of thing happens, this desperate sort of longing in his heart finally slipping past his carefully planned defenses. Vulnerability is unusual from him, but if anything, that just speaks to how much the dream rattled him.

The man in his arms is more precious to him than anything else, after all.

One of his legs hooks around Izumi's hips, pressing him flush against him. He wants to be even closer...]

[ mm, so eager. even more so than usual, but izumi certainly isn't complaining. he groans a little when sandalphon draws him closer into the kiss, pulling away to catch his breath, and--

oh. didn't think he'd feel sandalphon get hard so soon. izumi shouldn't bring attention to it while his lover's still coping from that nightmare, but here he is, stroking him through the fabric. ]

Want me to take care of this for you?

[ there's a tiny hint of teasing in his voice, but he just treats this like it's the most natural thing to happen during a makeout session. and if it'll let sandalphon relax after that ordeal, he may as well. ]

[Sandalphon nods breathlessly, already pulling him back in for another kiss, firmly planting a hand on the back of Izumi's head to keep him in place. He'll be properly embarrassed by his reaction later, but right now, he'll take whatever he can get to anchor himself in reality—a reality where he's grown beyond the selfish monster he once was, where he's loved and has someone to love in return.

His other hand slips between Izumi's legs, beneath the waistband of his pajamas to gently stroke him—eager is definitely a good way to describe the mood he's in, already looking to make the man he loves feel the same way he does: safe, warm, and maybe just a little turned on. He knows when Izumi asks, what he wants is kind words, maybe some praise, but he can't bear to speak his feelings, not right now. With the vestiges of that nightmare still lurking in the corners of his thoughts, he wants to make sure there's nothing left of them before he gives Izumi the sweet words he's looking for.

His hips arch into Izumi's touch and he murmurs wordlessly between hot, slow kisses.]

[ izumi responds in kind, groaning into sandalphon's mouth when he gropes at his hardening cock. sandalphon must be really desperate to get rid of that dream from his mind if he's this hard already...

well, no matter. izumi may be realistically powerless against sandalphon, but this is one of the times where he has the advantage over him; even though he's horrid at expressing his love like a normal human, physical intimacy with his beloved is truly where it's at, especially when sandalphon lets him lead. breaking the kiss, he lowers his underwear, then sandalphon's, before pressing both their dicks together as he ruts against him, his breath hot and wet in sandalphon's ear. ]

Ahh, ah, you feel so good, Sanchan... I, mm, won't let anyone hurt you... Only I get to do that...

[ sandalphon can fend him off anyway. ]

[It should be Sandalphon saying that, murmuring those quiet words to Izumi instead, but it's so easy to get swept up in him. The friction of Izumi's cock rubbing against his own is delicious, just the distraction he was looking for.]

Izumi...

[He rocks his hips to match Izumi's pace, breath hitching every time the lengths of their cocks slide against one another. He reaches between them, hand wrapping around the both of them and stroking at an erratic rhythm.]

I never...never want to let you go...

[Pleasure begins to build between his legs and he's already finding it more difficult to speak. But he has to say this, at least.]

I love you...Izumi, I...

[He rubs tiny circles into the head of Izumi's cock with the pad of his thumb, squeezing them together to chase more of that pleasure. His head's blissfully empty, and now the only thing he wants to do is make his boyfriend feel as good as he's making him feel in return.]

[ it's all too much, despite not being inside him. but that works, isn't it? they don't have to go inside each other in order to feel good. it's a testament to how well they know each other's bodies, and how much they love each other.

izumi could no longer form coherent words at this point, sandalphon's hand bringing him to the edge as he spills before him. he collapses on top of his boyfriend, shuddering, catching his breath and muttering sandalphon's name like a mantra in between. see? he's just as weak for this angel as ever, despite the fact that sandalphon needed this more than he did.

and he doesn't mind one bit. ]

Mm, Sanchan. [ he presses his lips on his neck, shakily breathes in the scent of him. ] ...Feel better yet?

Edited 2021-05-04 13:11 (UTC)

( catchall ) even now i still dream of you

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